Alice in Wonderland – The winding roads of the mind

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It has been year since I last wrote about Mum and things are much the same. I have just been to see Mum and we had a fabulous day shopping, chatting, laughing and being silly together. I miss days like these with Mum and I hope to have many many more. Whilst being with Mum, Dad had the time to breath and be alone in his own company for a few hours.

Mum is in great shape. The scar on her chest shows where the major surgery took place replacing her aortic valve and bypass and her heart is in good shape. It will no doubt have the ability to beat for many more years than her brain. With this being said, Mum had many moments of absolute clarity and as far as she is concerned there is nothing wrong and as she says, she will beat this! I only wish this was true!

We are still without a diagnosis but the process to find out what is actually going on in Mum’s head is coming to its conclusion. On the 20th March 2017 Dad will take Mum back to the Consultant to discuss Mum’s MRI results and memory tests taken last month. I hope that the conclusion of this consultation will be productive in how we can all move forward into the uncertain future.

I spent 2 lovely nights and one fabulous day with Mum and Dad leaving my gorgeous kids and husband at home. The time with them gave me a real opportunity to be with my Mum and Dad! I was able to be their friend, their daughter, their listener and to just be with them. It was lovely and I left hopeful that maybe Mum has brain damage from all that has happened to her which won’t get progressively worse. I think this is a hopeless wish as I watch Mum when she is so confused. The biggest issue is she does not think she is at home still and this is not going to change. It is hard to understand how her brain computes this because she talks with great clarity about things we did years ago there at Kingfishers, yet she will say we will be going home soon. I wonder what and where home in her head actually is.

I know the journey has begun with Mum and I am sure it will have twists and turns of both complete joy and also of utter despair. As a family we will be there to support Dad as he watches the love of his life slowly drift away into ‘Alice in Wonderland’. It is such a destructive illness and so utterly horrible!

Mum I love you,
Mum I miss you.
Dad I love you,
Dad I’m here for you.

Fingers crossed for some clear clarification at the end of this month, 51 years into their marriage. The love they share together is beautiful and I saw just how gentle Dad is with Mum even when he is entirely frustrated. God bless them both.

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Losing Mum
Journey of Life

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